So this journal isn't updated very often anymore. Because I usually have nothing to post about but emo jackassy shit that I post over here at Insane Journal. So any communities trying to check me for activity should probably check there because I'm mostly just using this journal to watch shit in LJ that I can't watch on IJ. So yeah.

If I don't meet your standards, I'll email you and we'll talk.

You know what makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside?

When I try repeatedly to strike up conversation with my mother and she ignores me.

She talks to her dog more often than she talks to me.

I love you too, mom!

YEEESSSSSS AMERICA I LOVE YOU. FUCK YEAH!

God I'm so glad my eighteenth birthday fell in an election year.

Why in the HELL do I feel so SHITTY.

I have just been in like...the most fucking depressed mood for the past, what, five days. And I have no damn clue why. My mind just keeps running in TEEHEE LET'S THINK OF DEPRESSING SHIT circles.

And I refuse to accept it. I think that's half the problem. I'll start to get to the point when I'm almost crying then ZING force myself to be HAPPY again.

I have to go to work at four tomorrow. Goddamn. At least I can sleep in.

EDIT: Aaaaaand talking to Vic brought me to tears.

THE RENAISSANCE FAIR WAS AWESOME! I GOT A PIRATE HAT! NEARLY HAD HEAT STROKE! FUN TIMES MAN, FUN TIMES.

So yesterday night my parents come home with food from the local Chinese place and mom was all HEY SO YOU MIGHT BE GETTING A CALL FROM THE CHINESE RESTAURANT SOON.

I, obviously, reacted with "...WHAT."

"LOL THEY HAD A HELP WANTED SIGN OUT FRONT SO I GAVE THEM YOUR NAME AND PHONE NUMBER AND THEY SHOULD BE CALLING ABOUT AN INTERVIEW AT SOME POINT HARHARHAR"

"...WHAT."

You know, I appreciate the gesture and all, my beloved parental unit, but SERIOUSLY, WHAT THE FUCK? DID YOU EVER THINK OF ASKING ME FIRST? HOLY TITS, MAN. HOLY TITS. BECAUSE THE FIRST THING YOU WANNA DO WITH SOMEONE WHO IS PEOPLE SHY IS GIVE THEM A JOB AS A WAITRESS.

SERIOUSLY.

This post has been brought to you by the word "WHAT"!

EDIT: OH YEAH AND YOU. THE PERSON PLAYING ICHIMARU GIN. I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD IF YOU DON'T EMAIL ME BACK TODAY I AM GOING TO TEAR OUT YOUR SPINE. OVER A WEEK NOW, I HAVE BEEN WAITING TO GET THE BALL ROLLING ON THIS THREAD AND THE BEST I'VE BEEN ABLE TO GET OUT OF YOU IS "I DUNNO LOL".

Man, I feel like shit today. Did I get hit by a bus in my sleep, or what? Today seems as though it's going to be a crappy one.

Oh man, I want to write SO BADLY. Probably because I'm a little emotional at the moment, and that always makes me want to write until my fingers fall off. AW FUCK IT, LET'S WRITE SOMETHING. RIGHT HERE. RIGHT NOW. WHATEVER POPS TO MIND FIRST.

( This is stupid. )

WELL FUCK, THAT WAS A DISASTER. THIS IS WHY I DON'T WRITE FANFICTION. TIME TO CHANNEL MY CREATIVE ENERGIES INTO SOMETHING THAT I WON'T FAIL MISERABLY AT LOL.

EDIT: AND DOUBLE LOL, APPARENTLY MY LAYOUT DOESN'T SHOW BOLD FONT BECAUSE IT SUCKS GIANT FLOPPY DONKEY COCK, SO THE BOLD FONT IS NOW UNDERLINED.

TO THE LOVELY WOMAN WHO CARRIED ME AROUND FOR NINE MONTHS:

HAVE FUN IN CANADA, YOU FUCKING BITCH~! :D ♥

Just think of this as a trail run for when I move out next year! I KNOW I AM.

HOLY SHIT

HOLY SHIT

HOLLLLYYYYY SSSSHHHHHHIIIIIITTTTT~! :D

BOSS LADY HAS HIRED A FRY COOK. NOT A FULL TIME COOK, BUT A BACKUP COOK NONETHELESS.

I AM ELATED. THIS IS THE GREATEST GIFT I'VE EVER BEEN GIVEN. I AM WEEPING (INTERNALLY!) IN JOY.

YEEEEEESSSSSSS.

Gotta get the woman some candy or something for her birthday on Sunday.

This was great, after having a debate with my parents over whether there was something wrong with women who joined the army. Lol mom and dad, get back into your 1950s time machine and don't come back out until you've learned your lesson.

You know, that (the "LOL WOMEN CAN'T FIGHT THEY SHOULDN'T JOIN THE MILITARY" argument) makes me want to pick Vanessa up at CU EVEN MORE. I mean, fuck. It'd be awesome to have her trigger happy little ass running around on heaven's side shooting shit up, and knocking some teeth out when she runs out of bullets. But I shouldn't apply for more characters when my last application hasn't even been accepted and I don't even know what it would be like juggling two, let alone three.

Ah, well. A girl can dream, ammirite?

Dear Boss Lady,

You know, I'm getting really sick and tired of having to pick up your slack, boss. Especially since my hours next week? Are the worst hours I've had yet. It's funny, because I seem to be the person you rely on most when I'm there. Hysterical, even. I can't contain myself.

This is just getting ridiculous. At the very least, hire a new cook so that the few hours I do get there aren't filled with stress. I like you. You're a nice person. I don't mind helping you out. But for fuck's sake, you freak out every time it seems like it may get busy. Just like shitty waitress. This needs to stop, right now. It's not professional, and I honestly don't feel sorry for you anymore.

Also, if you don't stop playing that goddamn shitty Bon Jovi CD where he's warbling out the fucking country music, complete with the yeehaws, Jesus namedrops, and references to small towns, I'm going to snap and go on a killing spree. A bloody one.

Blasted through the SATs. Not a problem there, aside from the math shit. And even I could solve some of it. Got to work early as I promised the boss, and worked my ass off. Luckily it wasn't as bad as it was on Friday, in fact, it was pretty good, in terms of not being up to my ass in dishes. It was still one of those nights where I was doing EVERYONE ELSE'S JOB + my own, and I was in such a piss-poor mood that I thought I was going to knock shitty waitress's ass out. I get a little hostile when I don't get enough sleep. It's kind of funny in hindsight. Not so much when you literally feel like you're about to choke a bitch.

Going to to pass out now.

My eyes feel like sandpaper. Gotta go in an around an hour. Oh yeah, I thought we'd be leaving between 3:30 and 4:00, but NOPE. HAHAHAHAHA I GOT DRAGGED OUT OF BED TWO HOURS BEFORE WE ACTUALLY NEEDED TO LEAVE. BEFORE I HAVE TO DO THE SATS. THEY DO THIS TO ME. WHAT. JESUS. I DON'T NEED TO GET UP THAT EARLY, FUCKING TITS.

I am so tired right now. At least my feet are the only things that hurt now.

I've gotta get up at three--that's...well, three hours away LOL I JUST LEARNED THIS, I THOUGHT IT WOULD AT LEAVE BE FOUR O' CLOCK, BUT NO--to go drive to Kansas City to make it to the SAT testing center on time. Fucking shitting dick nipples. I just got done with THE WORST Friday night we've ever had at the restaurant. I am in so much pain right now. My feet hurt, my back hurts, my neck hurts, luckily the headache that was lurking around at the back of my skull decided not to get worse and disappeared a little while ago.

It was so bad, the boss actually broke down and cried. I had to pretty much abandon my job to be her crutch while she cooked, so I had shitloads of cleaning to catch up on afterwards.

But goddamn, I'm gonna have fun with my hours of testing tomorrow. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAOHGODIT'SNOTFUNNY.

AND A WHOLE NEW ENTRY FOR THIS BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE IT.

Battle Royale? I finished it a few days ago.

I'm not even going to go into detail, because I don't want to ruin it for anybody who stumbles across this, so I'll give you the condensed version:

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST THIS BOOK IS AWESOME FUCK FUCK FUCK IT'S LIKE MY BRAIN IS HAVING AN ORGASM WHY CAN'T I FIND MORE BOOKS THIS FUN DAMN.

Seriously. You want an entertaining read? If you can handle gore, then pick this book up. Because fuck, it's awesome.

It's been a while since I last updated you, huh, journal?

Not much has happened, just more JESUSFUCKI'MWORKING shit.

But hey, guess what?

That post I made? Like a month ago?

About the MOTHERFUCKING SATS?!

LOL@ME, BECAUSE OOPS, TURNS OUT THEY'RE HAPPENING THIS UPCOMING SATURDAY.

GUESS YOU SHOULD HAVE STUDIED MORE, HUH, YOU DIPSHIT?

...

I'm still not too worried though. Most of it it reading and reading comprehension bullshit that I'll blast through. My real problem is the math. The SAT math book thing I got? Isn't doing a goddamn thing for me, because it's assuming that I've already got Algebra down. LOL NO I DON'T. It's like my brain just shuts down when I try to force it to understand that crap. But whatever. I wasn't expecting to get good math scores anyway.

It's times like these that I think "well fuck, maybe I wouldn't be so stupid if I had stayed in public school where teachers could explain this to me". Is that just trying to shift the blame? My parents didn't do jack shit to teach me, aside from giving me a math tutor for the first couple of months. That worked out well, except that LOL I FORGOT IT ALL SOON AFTER LEARNING IT. Then once we moved, nothing. Nothing until she found this obscure school on the web. Can't even remember the name of it now. It was some pagan homeschooling bullshit. Yeah, that was great. I'd turn in work, and nobody would get back to me. I had no idea if I was doing well or not, and then I realized "WELL FUCK, THESE PEOPLE JUST TOOK OUR MONEY AND AREN'T GIVING ME AN EDUCATION". After informing my mom, she just goes "oh well, that sucks, I tried" and that was that.

But who am I kidding? Even if I had been kept in public school, I wouldn't have absorbed much math. I would have probably kept doing the only doing schoolwork I felt like doing bullshit, and just totally filter out everything that I couldn't understand. Sure, this means kickass grades in English and Social Studies, but I would have continued to get shitty grades in Math and Science. Is there really something wrong with me? Is there like, some part of my brain that controls mathematical/scientific reasoning that doesn't function properly?

Oh well. You know what? It doesn't matter. You don't need to be a nuclear physicist to become a chef or author.

EDIT: Oh yeah, and Charlie, the awesome cook, quit a week or so ago. Now I'm stuck with the boss lady back in the kitchen. This has made my time there a hell of a lot less fun, since boss lady FREAKS THE FUCK OUT if we get busy, which is made worse by the fact that shitty waitress will continue to stress her out. Then GUESS WHO GETS THE BRUNT OF THE FRUSTRATION LOL. Oh, and apparently I'm not working this Thursday. This is bullshit. Total. Fucking. Bullshit.

I need to start looking for a second job, because boss lady just keep chopping my hours away. I wonder how she'd feel if I quit? She'd probably freak the fuck out, as usual. Too bad I'm too nice to do that just to make a point. She's a nice lady, but goddamn she needs to stop treating me like I'm a doormat. I wish she'd stop jerking me around. Either fire me because you're too goddamn cheap (you've been getting good business lately, I SHOULD BE GETTING THOSE HOURS I PROMISED AND INSTEAD YOU'RE CUTTING THEM), or give me the hours I was promised. Jesus christ.

Oh god, work yesterday nearly made me have a nervous breakdown.

I was given no warning at all that what I was being called in for was to help with two huge parties. So I showed up in my plain, cheap (got it for like 2 bucks on sale) sky blue t-shirt, baggy jeans, and my hair in a dorky braid because I thought I was going to be working in the back more than out front.

LAWL THAT'LL TEACH ME TO MAKE ASSUMPTIONS ABOUT WHAT MY JOB IS!

The first party that was supposed to come in got there late. Fucking late. So our waitress (the shitty one I mentioned a few entries back) couldn't handle it on her own. So out I go, to deal with the other party, which just happened to be a bunch of country club people meeting for a...meeting.

I have probably never been more embarrassed in my life. Here I was, looking like some girl they just dragged in off the street, taking orders. I'm already pretty fucking shy and socially awkward, so this was the icing on the cake. Oh, and the teachers in the other large party? They were loud. Really fucking loud. It was nearly impossible to hear the country club people and write down their orders, because they were speaking in their nice, polite inside voices, unlike the rude fucks over at the other table.

I managed to get the orders down without any big incident (I had trouble with some of the drinks, because fuck, I'VE NEVER HEARD OF THIS SHIT I DON'T DRINK FFFFF), aside from me somehow mishearing one woman saying she was fine with her water. Guess what I thought she said?

A) Lemonade
B) Diet Coke
C) Motherfucking VODKA.

If you guessed C, you're right. That was probably the worst moment of my life. Everyone started laughing, and one woman was like "LOL SHE'S GOT YOUR NUMBER!", and I quickly got the rest of their orders so that I could run back into the kitchen and hyperventilate. This may not seem like a big deal to you guys, but it was to me. I'm still learning to get used to people after being cooped up in my goddamn house for years being home schooled. It pisses me off, because I used to be really talkative and outgoing. Now I just sort of try to stay out of everyone's way and don't speak unless spoken to.

Thanks again for the wonderful job homeschooling me, mom and dad! :D

Anyway, the rest of the night went pretty smoothly, aside from the fact that I had to keep going out and taking care of that table. The people were, luckily, pretty nice. I probably would have had to run out back and cry if I'd pissed someone off, such was my state of mind by that point.

Highlight of the night: My boss's little girl (who looks like she's five or so) asking me if, because my hair is so long, I ever pee on it. Wow.

I'm going in at 9:00AM tomorrow. God help me.

EDIT: Oh yeah, I finally saw Howl's Moving Castle. I was wearing my WHAT THE FUCK face through the whole thing. One of my biggest pet peeves is movies inspired by books that are horribly inaccurate. And guess what?

HOWL'S MOVING CASTLE IS THE MOST INACCURATE BOOK TO MOVIE TRANSITION I'VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE.

I'm not kidding here. It was like they took the names of the characters (not even the characters themselves, they were so inaccurate that they were DIFFERENT PEOPLE) and the names of some of the towns, went "FUCK IT LET'S MAKE A WHOLE NEW PLOT LOL", and threw together a movie that doesn't even try to stay true to the book.

The character they fucked up the most? I'd have to say Howl, though he only barely scrapes by the horrible Witch of the Waste, and WIZARD SULLIVAN WHO IS SUDDENLY A WOMAN AND HOWL'S MENTOR WHAT.

Let me break it down for you, with just the worst offenders:

Book Howl: Selfish, whiny, cowardly, vain, a womanizer, and a drama queen.
Movie Howl: A noble and tragic character. I'm not even touching the background inaccuracies (LOL SUDDENLY HOWL ISN'T WELSH AND DOESN'T HAVE A FAMILY IN MODERN DAY WALES SAY GOODBYE TO ONE OF THE MOST SHOCKING AND SOMEWHAT MOVING REVELATIONS IN THE BOOK) OH YEAH, AND FOR SOME REASON HE'S TURNING INTO A BIG BIRD. WHAT. THIS NEVER HAPPENED, WHY IS THIS HAPPENING? DOES GOD HATE ME?

Book Witch of the Waste: Evil motherfucker, big bad of the book, tries to steal Howl's soul or something. Puts a curse on Howl, which Sophie inadvertently triggers.
Movie Witch of the Waste: Morbidly obese woman who does nothing bad except turn Sophie into an old woman, and ENDS UP BEING A GOOD PERSON IN THE END WHAT THE FUCK.

Book Wizard Sullivan: The dude gets hacked up into magical bits, and his magic (along with his soul, apparently) get locked inside a scarecrow WHICH SOPHIE IS DEATHLY AFRAID OF BUT IS SUDDENLY BEST FRIENDS WITH IN THE MOVIE. His skull sits on a shelf in Howl's castle.
Movie WITCH!!! Sullivan: Suddenly changed into a female, and made into HOWL'S MENTOR, plus she's evil. Really fucking evil. The big bad of the movie, starting a war that DIDN'T EVEN HAPPEN IN THE BOOK OH GOD THIS MOVIE HURTS MY SOUL.

Book Michael: Is fifteen, Howl's apprentice, a kind, patient, and polite teenager.
Movie MARCO?!?!: Is suddenly like seven years old, had his name changed, and is a brat.

Book Prince Justin: Hacked into magical bits along with the Wizard Sullivan, their magical bits are mixed together into one body creating one very confused man who is stuck in dog form most of the time.
Movie Prince Justin: IS SUDDENLY THE SCARECROW, AND IS BEST FRIENDS WITH SOPHIE, AND SOPHIE IS HIS ONE TRUE LOVE, AND FUCK I HATE THIS MOVIE GOD I'M GOING TO EXPLODE

Book Sophie: A stubborn old/young woman with a curse on her. ALSO A WITCH. SHE CAN SPEAK THINGS TO LIFE. REMEMBER THIS, IT'S IMPORTANT. AND HER CURSE DOESN'T MAGICALLY DISAPPEAR ONCE IN A WHILE, IT'S THERE 24/7 UNTIL THE END OF THE BOOK WHEN SHE FINALLY DECIDES SHE DOESN'T NEED IT ANYMORE. AND SHE HAS A COMPLEX ABOUT BEING THE ELDEST OF THREE, WHICH MEANS SHE'LL BE DOOMED TO BAD LUCK AND SHIT.
Movie Sophie: A meek, somewhat stubborn old/young woman who has some sort of complex about not being pretty. IS NOT A WITCH. HER CURSE IS ONLY THERE SOMETIMES. SHE FALLS IN LOVE WITH HOWL ALMOST IMMEDIATELY, INSTEAD OF HAVING IT BE A SLOW, REALISTIC PROCESS LIKE IN THE BOOK. ALSO SOMEHOW SHOVES HOWL'S HEART BACK INTO HIS CHEST WITHOUT HER WITCHCRAFT, AND WITHOUT KILLING CALCIFUR BY NOT GIVING HIM MORE YEARS TO LIVE (LOL WHAT I THOUGHT HE ONLY LIVED BECAUSE HE HAD HOWL'S HEART, GUESS I WAS PAYING TOO MUCH ATTENTION TO THE BOOK) OH YEAH, AND HER HAIR STAYS SILVER. WHAT THE FUCK.

OH GOD OH GOD I THINK I'M GONG TO DIE THIS IS TOO MUCH TOO MANY INACCURACIES AND I'M NOT EVEN GETTING INTO THE MAIN PLOT FUCK FUCK HALF OF THE CAST OF CHARACTERS IS MYSTERIOUSLY GONE AND AFLJAERJ;ERNAERILAERLAERECAR3874ADFHAO

Suffice to say, it's not a movie to watch if you're a stickler for accuracy like I am. I'm sure it would be a great movie on it's own, if you'd never read the book. Me? I was too caught up in a haze of RAGE to notice whether or not it was good.

I HAVEN'T POSTED FOR A FEW DAYS.

Hold onto your pants guise, this is gonna be a wild ride.

SO WE WENT TO SAINT JOSEPH FOR MOTHER'S DAY A FEW DAYS AFTER THE ACTUAL MOTHER'S DAY BECAUSE MY MOM WANTED TO BEAT THE CROWDS. We stopped in a record store first, and I bought a Queens Of The Stone Age CD, and The Best Of The Who. Then we stopped in Borders and I completely lost my mind at the sight of so many books after not being in a bookstore for years.

I got:

Howl's Moving Castle
Battle Royale
Portus
The Looking Glass Wars
The Dark Tower: The Gunslinger

And I would have bought more EXCEPT I'M POOR LOL.

So basically I've been basking in the glow of new books and music for a while now. I feel like a pig in shit, guys. In a good way. I've already finished two of the books, and am working on Battle Royale at the moment.

LET ME GIVE YOU MY !EXPERT! CRITIQUE ON WHAT I'VE READ!

FIRST UP, HOWL'S MOVING CASTLE WHOO

I've never seen the movie, before anyone asks (lawl who would ask I'm talking to myself fuck I'm pathetic). This book was...well, let's put it this way:

If you want action, lots of fun, and a plot that moves at a reasonable pace, this book is NOT for you!

If you want a book where, for three quarters of it, you're subjected to the daily life of an old woman, fifteen year old kid, fire demon (not as interesting a character as you would think), and vain, whiny, womanizing wizard, THIS BOOK IS FOR YOU!

Srsly. I guess it would have been an pretty good book, if I was in it for interaction between cardboard cut out characters (okay, maybe they weren't that bad, but they certainly weren't the most engaging characters ever) and not the fun magical escapades I was promised.

I think it could have easily been chopped down to like, the last hundred pages of the book and passed as a great story.

OKAY NEXT WE'LL DO PORTUS, WHICH ISN'T REALLY A BOOK BUT A MANGA I SAT DOWN AND READ IN LIKE THIRTY MINUTES WHOO

I could go into all sorts of detail, but I think I'll give you the review in the same format that the manga handled it's story:

HOLY SHIT LOOK THINGS ARE HAPPENING IMPORTANT THINGS SLIGHT HINT OF A PLOT MORE THINGS HAPPEN HEY LOOK THEY CENSORED THAT GUY'S HEAD GETTING AXED MORE VAGUE PLOT SHITTY ENDING WHERE NOTHING IS RESOLVED.

LOL I WASTED TEN BUCKS ON THIS PIECE OF SHIT. At least the art was okay.

REVIEW ON THE FIRST FORTY SEVEN PAGES OF BATTLE ROYALE WHOO

The first three or four pages where the author introduced the kids were murder, because FUCK I DON'T WANT TO KNOW ABOUT THESE PEOPLE I DON'T CARE. But then it got really awesome really fast and I've left off on the chapter break after the kids get their teacher's head blown apart all over them. Fun times.

And now a rant, addressed to my dear mother:

HEY MOM.

YEAH, YOU. LADY. MOM. PARENTAL UNIT.

IT IS NEITHER FUNNY NOR CUTE WHEN YOU INFORM ME IN A SILLY, CHILDISH VOICE (I'm not kidding here, she will switch to a young child voice when she's trying to be cute/a smartass. lol thanks for contributing to my social awkwardness, mom!) THAT LOL NO, YOU HAVEN'T WATERED OUR TOMATOES BECAUSE HELL, YOU'VE DONE THE DISHES. JESUS CHRIST, THIS WOMAN DESERVES A MEDAL!

Don't get me wrong here, I'm grateful that she does the dishes. But when she tells me this as I'm ON MY WAY OUT THE DOOR TO WORK AFTER STUDYING MY FUCKING ASS OFF, I ASK HER TO PLEASE OH PLEASE FUCKING GOD WATER THE POOR PLANTS I HAVE NO TIME, AND SHE PUTS ON HER "CUTE" VOICE AND GOES "NO LOL THAT'S YOUR JOB HAVE FUN AT WORK LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL" FFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKK MOM, WHAT THE HELL. YOU ARE ACTING LIKE A CHILD. A SMALL CHILD. ALFKJADF;JAFA;EJRAERJASELRSLJSREAR;J

AND YOU GUYS. YEAH, YOU. THE REST OF YOU THAT LIVE IN THIS HOUSE. DON'T PRETEND LIKE YOU DON'T EXIST. WATER THE FUCKING PLANTS FOR ME IF I DON'T HAVE THE TIME. GODDAMN, IT'S NOT ROCKET SCIENCE.

Love,

YOUR DAUGHTER WHO IS GOING TO GO THROUGH THE GODDAMN ROOF NEXT TIME YOU PULL THIS SHIT WITH ME.

And finally, a note to the people of my town.

HEY GUYS, GET IN MY RESTAURANT RIGHT THE FUCK NOW. JESUS. WE HAD ONE TABLE TODAY. ONE. FUCKING. TABLE.

YOU HAD BETTER BE THERE TONIGHT YOU ASSHOLES. I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE.

One of the posts over at bad_rpers_suck got me thinking about Caitlin again. Fuck fuck fuck fuck. When will I be able to stop thinking about her? She was my friend, yeah, but not anymore. She made that perfectly fucking clear. I thought I'd finally put it behind me, but I read that post in BRPS, and WHAM, all the bad juju hits me full force.

You know what? Fuck it, I don't need to be thinking about this shit.

Instead lets get MAD, BECAUSE THAT'S ALWAYS FUN RIGHT?

Dear Mrs. Entitlement:

Special Snowflake, you're a great person when you aren't working. I don't know why the FUCK you suddenly turn into a neurotic crazy bitch when we get more than three tables or two large tables in our restaurant. Get a grip on yourself. When you act like that, I have to pick up all your goddamn slack. Then you have to nerve to come back into the kitchen and act like me and the cook, who is an awesome guy and normally very patient and friendly, are standing back there with our thumbs up our fucking asses.

LISTEN UP, LADY. WE ARE WORKING. WE ARE WORKING FUCKING HARD. I DON'T KNOW WHO YOU THINK YOU ARE, BUT FOR FUCK'S SAKE DON'T COME BACK INTO THE KITCHEN AND TRY TO SADDLE ALL YOUR WORK ON ME BECAUSE YOU'RE TOO BUSY LOSING YOUR FUCKING MIND TO DO IT YOURSELF. THE KITCHEN DOES NOT BELONG TO YOU. THE COOK DOES NOT WORK JUST FOR YOU. I AM NOT YOUR INDENTURED SERVANT. I HAVE A TON OF FUCKING DISHES TO DO ON A BUSY NIGHT, AS WELL AS HELPING THE COOK OUT AND THE WAITRESSES WHO ASK POLITELY FOR MY ASSISTANCE WITH SOMETHING, AND YOU HAVE THE NERVE TO ACT AS THOUGH I'M NOT CARRYING MY LOAD. THAT IS REALLY FUCKING PISSING ME OFF, TO THE POINT WHERE I'M HOPING TO GOD THAT YOU DO SOMETHING TO GET YOUR ASS FIRED, THOUGH FROM THE LOOKS OF IT OUR BOSS IS HALFWAY THERE AFTER YOUR BEHAVIOR LAST NIGHT.

Honestly, I don't like being a bitch. I don't like disliking people, and I try my damnedest to be super-extra-special nice to everyone I meet. But fuck if you aren't making that job nearly impossible.

Fuck you.

Little brother of mine, you are hilarious. You probably don't even know how funny you really are. I seriously think you should look into becoming a comedian.

Thanks for making me feel better, and for making me laugh my ass off as you shouted things out of our back door for all of our neighbors to hear.

Really, you're awesome.

DEAR DAD:

I KNOW THE STATE THAT AMERICA IS IN. I UNDERSTAND. REALLY, I DO. I'M SERIOUS HERE. LET ME REPEAT IT AGAIN:

I. GET. IT.

I DO NOT NEED TO BE DRAGGED OVER TO YOUR COMPUTER FIVE BILLION TIMES EARLY IN THE MORNING TO READ ARTICLES ABOUT HOW FUCKED UP OUR COUNTRY IS. NEWSFLASH: I AM NOT AN IDIOT. I KNOW THAT AMERICA IS IN THE SHITTER. I DO NOT NEED CONSTANT REMINDERS EVERY. FUCKING. DAY.

YOU USED TO BE FUN TO BE AROUND, REALLY. YOU DON'T NEED TO BE A PESSIMISTIC PARANOID DICKWAD 24/7. LOOSEN UP A LITTLE. ENJOY LIFE. AND FOR FUCKS SAKE, STOP PUSHING YOUR SHIT ON ME.

LOVE,

YOUR DAUGHTER WHO IS SO FUCKING FED UP WITH YOUR SHIT IT ISN'T EVEN FUNNY.

Edit: OH, AND MY HOURS AT WORK ARE STILL SHITTY EVEN THOUGH WE'RE GETTING GOOD BUSINESS LATELY. LOL, THANKS BOSS. YOU REALLY KEPT UP YOUR PROMISE OF MORE HOURS.

Edit edit: AND NO DAD, I WILL NOT READ 1984. I USED TO WANT TO READ IT, BUT AFTER YOU KEPT GOING ON AND ON AND ON AND ON AND FUCKING OOOOON ABOUT IT, YOU'VE RUINED IT FOR ME. I WILL PROBABLY NEVER READ THAT BOOK. SHUT UP ABOUT IT.